Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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