Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
