You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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