I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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