Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
