I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
