She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
