oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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