trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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