If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
