my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
