she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
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there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
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I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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