two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
