Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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