Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
