Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
