I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
