Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
