You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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