I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
