Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
