I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
