I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
bring money and cleavage
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
