Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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