Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
