someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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