I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
