Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
