So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
