Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
