I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
