Pappa wants mamma naked
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
