Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
