I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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