Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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