Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
