You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
