I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
