and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
