Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
