did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
