And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
