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i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
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