hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again