dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.