would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed