I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
