ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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