Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
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It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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