If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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