actually, I'm a sock model
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
