Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
