If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
