why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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