he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
