Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
