My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
