You smell like a Billy Joel song
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
