its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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