thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
