so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i think i just lost a toe
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
