I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
