i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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