If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
worst night to have a conscience
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
