Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
