Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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