he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
