my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
