Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
