im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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