I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
