Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
