We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
