Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
