Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
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you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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