the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
