For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
