I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
