I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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